Are you laughing now?

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The other day I called Sir Smiley at work to see how he was doing. It was a fascinating conversation, all because of the “passenger” he had in the back. All I hear is some woman wailing, repeating over and over, “Why are you laughing at me?” I found this funny since neither Sir Smiley nor his partner, Heavy Metal, were laughing. To be honest they sounded irritated at best. I hear her begging to go home and Heavy Metal explaining that she will go home, just not tonight because that’s what happens when you kick a police officer. So, let me give you a little background on this whole situation. Sir Smiley and Heavy Metal had gotten a call about a drunk driver. On their way to scene they actually spot the vehicle. So they pull her over. Is she drunk? Well, she couldn’t figure out how to roll down her window when she was asked, couldn’t turn off her car, and when asked to get out she proceeded to unlock the unlocked door. So you tell me. But just to be fair, they give her a sobriety test. She fails spectacularly. So they give her more official tests (breath, blood, etc.). But she is rather upset by all this and begins screaming. Sir Smiley said it was shockingly reminiscent of when Urpling throws her fits. With about the same vocabulary. “I want to go home!”, “Where’s my mommy?”, “When am I going to see the judge?”, and “Why are you laughing at me?” became the mantra that she repeated over and over and over and over again. During this time she also proceeds to kick one of the police officers. After all this they put her in the car to take her to take her to the station for booking. This is when I call. Are we all caught up? So I start chuckling because she really does sound exactly like my 2 or 4 year old, except maybe a bit more bratty. But then I start to hear the most spectacular whacking sound in the background. It sounds like a rubber ball being thrown full force against the wall. But of course instead of a rubber ball, it was the “passenger’s” face and instead of a wall it was the the barrier between the front and back seat. I hear Air Smiley telling her to knock it off, and her response in between thwacks was to yell, “Are you laughing now?”. Apparently it seemed like a good idea to cause massive head injuries to herself purely out of spite. Yeah, because that will really show them. Sir Smiley tells her again to knock it off or he’ll pull over and finally tells me he needs to go. (for obvious reasons). Apparently she did finally stop and they managed to book her. All I have to say is thank goodness the only tantrums I deal with come from actual toddlers, not 23 year olds.

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