The language of love


I have rambling and very random thought patterns. I had read an article about the dangers of praising your kids too much (the basic gist was if you praise kids all the time, even when they fail, the words become meaningless to the kids. So only give specific praises, only for successes, blah, blah, blah). But it got me randomly thinking about a book I read for married couples called “The Five Love Languages”. Basic idea is, everyone feels love differently. The author (Gary Chapman) breaks it into five categories: acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, and receiving gifts. The names are self explanatory, and you can read the book yourselves if you want more in depth explanations. But I started thinking about how this is useful with all relationships, not just marital ones. Even with our kids. Granted, people don’t just fall into cookie cutter categories, many are more than one. Our languages can also change. Right after I had King Toot my energy was very low so acts of service was my language but before, and now after, I am quality time. Also, little kids are just developing their personalities which makes figuring out what their love language tricky.
But after pondering this, I started watching my kids more closely. If anything else, it has started making me more aware of what my kids want and what makes them happy. Do they prefer acts of service? Well maybe, since they seem to expect me to cook, clean, wipe their bottoms, and basically do everything for them. But I doubt it. Both my girls seem to lean towards quality time. They want me near them at all times, and want to share any new discoveries and accomplishments with me as they happen. They don’t seem to care about gifts too much. They would rather go with me on a trip to the grocery store (believe it or not, Sasquatch requested it this morning) or play with a cardboard box. Urpling seems to be physical touch as well, she always wants to be holding my hand, sitting in my lap, etc. Sasquatch could care less if you hug her (unless she has an owie). They all love words of affirmation. They light up when we tell them what a good job they did. Overall, I have found looking for their love language useful because even if I never figure out what category they fit in, my time is never wasted when it is spent finding new ways to show love to my kids.


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