So, ages and ages ago I joined Facebook. As I was still figuring things out, I “liked” two different pages: Babycenter and Circle of Moms. I can hear the groans already from more seasoned moms. I know…but I was pregnant with my first and wanted to get as much information as possible. Now before I start my rant (consider yourself warned…major rantage is incoming) I am going to give a few disclaimers. First, I do not know the people who run these sites and I do not think they are evil. But for some reason the majority of the posts on this site have so much negativity I seriously fear for the future of society. It’s even more depressing because it’s other mothers writing this stuff…not random staff members. Also, I use an iPad instead of a computer…my computer fried and an iPad was cheaper instead of getting a new one. I love it, but it seems some sites decide to make things completely than the computer and thus I hadn’t figured out how to unlike these sites.
With that said, let’s move on to my rant which I am sure you were all eagerly awaiting. I am tired of rude, posturing, judgmental moms. I was also tired of all the purposefully controversial threads that these sites post onto Facebook. Today was an excellent example….one posted an article about how spanking causes mental illness. I mean, really? They (should) know what’s going to happen. Mom’s at each others throats over a discipline style. There were moms accusing other moms of being f***ing idiots, ignorant, abusive, lazy, crazy, etc. (yes…the f bomb was dropped with astounding frequency) If you spank, you are abusing your kid, causing mental problems, teaching them to be violent, etc. If you don’t spank your just letting your kids run f***ing wild (told you…it was dropped a lot) and spoil them.
It’s the same with all these kind of threads. If you don’t breast feed you are poisoning your child and making them obese. If you do breast feed, you get harassed if you do it in public. Cosleeping, cry it out, baby led weaning…we moms make any and every aspect of parenting something to fight over. It’s aggravating, Parenting is hard! It’s an emotional roller coaster, confusing, frustrating, overwhelming, and fantastic all at once. You can look at your kid and love them dearly and want to strangle them all at once. So when you are a new parent, you go to these sites looking for help. You’re at the end of your rope, and you just want some comfort. But instead, in the midst of your own confusion, you are ripped to shreds for every choice you have made. Awesome. No one on these sites are honest about their struggles. Everyone is acting like they have all the answers. Somehow, they are omniscient…able to see every possibility and will tell you that what you are doing is either unequivocally right or wrong. But the more kids I have, the more I understand how little I truly understand about parenting. Each child is so different and reacts so differently to me that I still am at a loss as to how to handle some situations. When I was in college doing my student teaching, my professor said something that stuck with me. She told us not to feel ashamed if after a bad day we go home and cry. It doesn’t mean we’re a bad teacher, it means we care. Our kids get under our skin so quickly and drive our emotions to new heights because we love them so much. We love them so much that when they hurt us it hurts more deeply, when they are sad it throws us into sorrow, we experience everything more deeply. So why do we need to act like we have it all together all the time?
In summary, this blog has taught me one thing…being honest about my struggles as a parent has been freeing. No one looks at me and points…there’s that mom who actually got mad at her kids! No one crosses the street to avoid me, or defriends me from Facebook. In fact, just the opposite. Every mom should try it. Maybe then the new moms won’t feel so terrified when they’re sitting there at 3 am with a baby who has been screaming for hours, horrified that they thought of using Benadryl as a sedative has crossed their mind so they can finally sleep.
Note : I have finally figured out how to unfriend them. I kept getting sucked into these debates like a bad car wreck and it was affecting my mood with my kids and husband. Not worth it.