Tweaker Heaven…or Hell


This post is actually a guest post of sorts. It comes from a fellow officer of Sir Smiley..whom we shall refer to as Tat…and was actually a status from his facebook page. It was a status, and several comments…some comments I have included for your amusement. Basically, being a Police Officer is often like being a parent. Only those behaving like my 4, 2, and 7 month old children are usually in their 20s and 30s (or older). So here is a glimpse into my hubby’s world:

Tat’s Status:

Visualize with me. Lady calls because she wants her tweaked out roommate kicked out. She is tweaked out of her mind as well and has sores all over her face. I explain to her that he needs to be evicted. Thought that took care of it. I get a 2nd call from Walgreens. They say a lady is hiding behind the counter. I get there and sure as shit she’s behind the counter, she tells me she’s charging her cell phone. Management walks by and says shes fine, she can stay til they close. Lol O.K. She proceeds to tell me that her roommate has destroyed the house, smeared food all over the walls and cut the lines to the water causing the apartment to flood. I tell her if I go there and she’s imagining this, I’m taking her to jail. So for shits and giggles I made the wrong decision and go there. I round the corner and sure as shit there is a waterfall coming out the front door. I clear for another unit. In the mean time tweaker roommate comes out like no big deal and asks whats going on lol. I have him sit on the wall as I take a gander inside. Bad decision. I got water up to my boots and it’s coming down the ceiling from upstairs. He had 2 ovens on and one was catching fire. Also an electric heater and fan going. Dude cut the lines to the sink upstairs and the washer downstairs. I’m unplugging shit trying not to get electrocuted as the ceiling is getting ready to collapse on me. Then I apparently leaned on the wall as the left side of my uniform was covered in what I hope to be tartar sauce. Got the water turned off and didn’t get electrocuted. Dude tells me he had no idea what happened, he just woke up of course. I in the mean time have forgotten about the lady who apparently is working for free at Walgreens behind the register, but before I get to her she calls 911 and says that her roommate has just tried to stab her with a switch blade. Even tho they are a mile apart. I then go back and talk to her where I ask her about calling 911 for the apparent knife attack. She didn’t remember making that call. Dude leaves and I take her back to the apartment. I get back to the station when she calls 911 again because the roommate came back. He forgot his porn. Seriously. I don’t know how I did it but apparently God is pissed at me.


Tat: We should make this into a “don’t do drugs” commercial.

2eyes: By far the best call of the week….I could not stop laughing! And just for the record she told me she doesn’t do meth, she used to use herion but today she did a little blow.

2eyes also posted on Tat’s wall: Best call of the night last night was when “Tat” decided to see if the tweeker chic he was talking to at Walgreen’s for the 4th time was really telling the truth when she told him her roomate smeared food on the walls and cut the water lines at her apartment…sure as shit it was about 6″ deep and flowing out the front door. He even cut the water line upstairs so the ceiling looked like a waterfall and was about ready to collapse. And if that wasn’t enough he plugged in every working appliance in the place, turned on the stove and the oven and by the time “Tat” got there, there was smoke And yes there was food on the walls…he had smeared everything he could find in the fridge throughout the apartment. (I found the BBQ that was on the door frame) But the best quote of the night was when “Tat” first got there “Can you roll me another unit? I’m in tweeker heaven here and there is water everywhere!” followed by “Can someone turn this water off?”; then “can someone shut this electricity off before I get electrocuted in here?” Holy Hell I couldn’t stop laughing…..sometimes I really do LOVE my job!!!

So there you have it folks….just another day in the life of a Police Officer…


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