PHSD

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I have discovered a new disorder. That would be PHSD…Post Halloween Stress Disorder. There are many factors that contribute to this disorder, the most common being a combination of a vicious cycle of sugar highs and crashes, inevitable weight gain and queasiness from eating too much candy, and the emotional turmoil of trying to resist those tasty treats. Because Halloween, unlike any other holiday, doesn’t end on the holiday. In preparation for the holiday we buy massive amounts of candy…in an attempt to avoid those infamous “tricks” that many will play if the “treats” are unavailable. But this means there is always an abundance of candy left over…added to the goodies the kids gathered trick or treating. Those treats sit there, calling to you, beckoning you, crying out to be eaten. What’s that Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup? You’re right, I definitely should eat five of you for lunch. Maybe with four of those Twix bars and about a dozen little boxes of Nerds. Then you feel ill. No Mini Snickers, I can’t eat twenty of you…that would be bad. What’s that? The kids are napping and all is quiet! I should celebrate by eating thirty Milky Way. The battle is endless. Shoveling them at the kids isn’t helpful either. Trying to divvy up the treats in an even way so no child is slighted is no easy task. Plus, if you shovel too much in them you will live to regret it (if you’re lucky…but I assume there is a risk of death as well).
Eventually I sneak the candy out of the house and try to give it away, but as everyone else is in the same boat that doesn’t work. Finally, in an act of desperation to prevent my butt from becoming so large I no longer fit into my chair, I throw the stuff away. Then I spend a day in mourning and consider dumpster diving to find that one last Jolly Rancher. I recover just in time to gear up for Thanksgiving. *sigh*

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