Brrrrrrrrr…..

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It’s been a few days since I posted, but my brain apparently needed a week or two to recover from my trip. Be that as it may, I have several ideas for blog posts so I may actually post more often this week. :

First of the random thoughts swirling through my thoughts is this: It has been unseasonably cold where I live. Of course, having grown up in MN and also having spent a week or so there, the complaints here seem humorous. There is a youtube video going around Facebook of a clip from Jimmy Kimmel that is similar to my Facebook feed (see it here…it’s hilarious.). At any rate, living for eight years in a warmer climate has caused me to forget a few things. Now that my brain is starting to function a little more normally I figured I would share that list with all of you.

Things I forgot about living in the ridiculously freezing coldness of the arctic north:

All the extra crap you lug around: Yeah, pretty sure half of my van was filled with just coats. Coats, and snow pants, and mittens, and hats, and long underwear, and waterproof boots. Even just a trip to the mall requires an extra stroller just for the gear.

Actually putting warm clothing on kids: No longer could I just let my kids slip on some flip flops and run out the door, frolicking carefree. Now we had to put on shoes. Oh, and coats and stuff. My kids are extremely uncoordinated when it comes to putting their correct arms through the correct sleeves. Even their shirts were always short sleeved. What was an already arduous process became my own version of Mission Impossible I had to perform multiple times each day.

Foggy glasses: I wear glasses, mainly because I am too lazy to wear contacts most of the time. But when it’s cold out you are temporarily blind every time you enter a building after being outside.
Oh, and also, those glasses suck the life out of your nose when you are outside, and if you wrap a scarf over your nose…the glasses fog up again and you can’t see. So you have to choose between blindness or losing your nose to frostbite.

Ice scrapers: Apparently it can snow when it gets cold…and that snow (or frost) will cover your car and windows. Usually right when you need to be somewhere. These little utensils (or tools if you prefer) called “ice scrapers” are actually quite handy in these moments. Crazy! (This all should be read with an extremely sarcastic tone…just in case you missed that).

You know what else is handy? Windshield fluid that doesn’t freeze: Forgot about this one. My father in law, Mr Optimistic had to take a blow dryer to my engine to thaw the fluid so it would mix with the more appropriate cold weather stuff. Yeah, seeing out your windshield is a definite plus to driving safety.

Cold hands: Never occurred to me to warn the girls that snow is cold. So first time they see snow they start shoving their hands in the stuff until they start screaming from pain. They let their hands get so cold it hurt. They did this multiple times, so apparently when God passed out Simon sense (or at least the ability to learn from past mistakes) he skipped our family. Oh, and also the idea that when snow warms up…it melts. This concept was also foreign to my girls. Sasquatch made the perfect snowball and was carrying it around outside like it was her new best friend. I find out later she brought it into the van to take home. I found it out when she started sobbing because her snowball ran away. Yeah, that was a long conversation trying to explain the properties of snow and how that puddle of water in her cup holder was her snowball…

Pulling sled uphill: Sledding is awesome. Fun, exhilarating, and fast. Well, at least going down the hill is fast. But then you have to drag the thing back up to the top. Yeah. Not as fun. Also not fun, storing your old boots in a 120+ degree attic for 8 years and then wearing them in snow. They crack and break leaving your feet cold, wet, and unprotected. Just FYI.

Ghetto car wash at the gas station: I am totally going to have to do a post on all the ways my family is so ghetto (yeah, yeah…not a PC term. But I have never been very PC so deal with it). One way is never using a car wash. Well, I now remember the joys of a car that is covered in sand, salt and dirt so that it looks white…no matter the original color. But the windows always look great. Why? Cause in snowy states you actually use those little window cleaners the gas stations provide. I don’t think I have ever used one of those here at home…but at every gas station I cleaned my windows up there.

Freezing hair: If you shower and don’t blow dry your hair…it freezes stiff. I think next time I’m gonna try to sculpt my hair. Now that would be cool.

So there you have it. Never fear my cold weather friends…come summer I’m sure I can post a list of things to remember when it’s “gates of hell” hot out. (Aka, hot as hell…and that’s almost literally.)

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