Sir Smiley and I celebrated our ninth anniversary on Wednesday. This was his post to me on Facebook: “9 years ago today, I became lawfully able to let you experience my nighttime farts.” Seriously folks…this is real love. I like, totally heart this dude. He has me smitten…rocks my socks off..completes me…the list is endless. He’s a trombone, guitar, piano, accordion playing stud who looks good in his uniform, can make even Bob Newhart smile, and is mine all mine. Nine years was short and nine more won’t be enough.
And believe it or not, I have actually learned a few things along the way. In honor of my nine years of marriage, I have decided to impart some of this wisdom (if you can really call it that) to you. I have sorted this into two categories…for him and for her.
For Him (these may or may not have actually happened):
Never compare your wife to the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
When you’re wife tries to create a romantic atmosphere for some “mommy and daddy time”…don’t tell her the love songs in the background are gonna make you ralph.
Chewing on the sheet and then announcing, “I had some sheet in my mouth” is not a pick up line.
Do not poke your wife’s hairy leg and whisper, “Just like Sasquatch.” in an awed whisper.
Do not use the phrase “Open Sesame” as an attempt to transition from conversation to more amorous activities.
For Her (I had to come up with these on my own. I asked for Sir Smiley to help and he said it was too hard. But I figured it was only fair for the girls to have some rules…add your own in the comments!):
Stop attributing emotions to him that he hasn’t expressed.
Do NOT ask any of the following, “Does this make me look fat?” “Will love me even if I…(fill in the blank)” “Do you think she’s pretty?” or any question that you either don’t want answered or want answered in a very specific way.
If the kids are asleep and the house is quiet…do not crawl into bed, beckon your husband over, cuddle and hug and kiss…and then roll over and go to sleep.
Want some actually semi-serious advice? Check out this post I wrote almost a year ago.
Have your own thoughts or suggestions? Add them in the comments!
Here he is folks…the love of my life…