So the other day I posted about my addiction to the Internet (see the post here if you haven’t read it yet) To continue on in this great confessional (or at least a mild confession…maybe a defcon 5…and yes, I had to look that one up to see if 5 was mild or severe. It’s mild, if you were wondering) I am now confessing another addiction. I am addicted to food.
Now everyone needs nourishment. I’m not denying that. But my love for food goes waaaaaaaaaaaaay beyond simple nourishment. To demonstrate, I will go through a few more symptoms of addiction (and revisit some from my previous post)
Tolerance – the need to engage in the addictive behavior more and more to get the desired effect. I eat healthy for a while. I avoid unhealthy food, prepare some healthy snacks to help. But then, inevitably, I have one day where I don’t…and it results in a cascade. I eat one Twix bar and suddenly can’t stop. After eating a few candy bars, I then need to polish off an entire pint of ice cream. Eventually I reach a point where I can polish off a box of Mac and Cheese or even one of those s’mores pizzas from Papa Murphy’s (Good Gravy are those things amazing!) all by my lonesome.
Difficulty cutting down or controlling the addictive behavior. Yeah, we have relatively few sweets or chips or anything of that nature in our home. Why? Because I have no self control. If it’s there…I will eat it. My kids have snacks that are (relatively) healthy not because I am so awesome as a Mom or even that worried about my kids habits and such…but because I cannot have those yummy snacks staring me in the face. I tried those 100 calorie snack packs…individual portions right? Pffft…I’d polish off three or four of those easy. Same with skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. I shop only when I’m full and always with a list, but even then I could swear there is light shining from the candy aisle with angels singing when I walk past.
Social, occupational or recreational activities becoming more focused around the addiction, and important social and occupational roles being jeopardized. Everything I do starts to revolve around food. Dates, social gatherings, even exercising. I reward a good workout with something tasty. I go out to eat with friends. It’s insane. I just love food. Forget that it keeps me from losing weight or ensures that I will always look like I’m in the beginning stages of another pregnancy or that when I race in a triathlon I’m carrying around 50+ more pounds than my competition…I need that piece of pizza and I need it now!
The person becoming preoccupied with the addiction, spending a lot of time on planning, engaging in, and recovering from the addictive behavior. Now, in my defense, I am basically the sole cook (that’s maybe a bit too generous…meal preparer would probably be more accurate) in our home of five people. So I really do need to spend quite a bit of time planning meals, getting materials, etc. It’s a job even the secretary of defense would find daunting. But set that aside and I still spend a great deal of time pondering what snack I am in the mood for…or on the flip side trying to talk myself out of eating that next piece of Laffy Taffy. Recovery? I eat until I feel I will explode and then spend the rest of the day moaning and whining and generally feeling like one good jostle and I’ll puke everywhere. Yet I always go back.
I REALLY love food. I’m learning ways to cope but I had to admit my struggles first. Now…I am not this bad…anymore. But it’s always there…right under the surface. That desire for delicious, mouth watering food. To me, heaven will be filled with everything tasty and I won’t have to worry about my waist line, cholesterol, or gas. But until then I will have to keep fighting.