The Velcro Child


I should preface this by saying…I love my children. I really do love my children. Why am I saying this? Mainly just to remind myself because at the moment of all the emotions I’m feeling….love isn’t at the top of the list. If this were a Facebook status, mine would read something along the lines of “feeling aggravated to the point where I will either perform random acts of violence on a plush toy or find some mild (or not so mild) sedatives to escape reality for a moment”. Yeah. A couple of my kids are going through phases. Now…I used to assume that we’re all going through a phase of some kind. But those of us with children understand. Phase is code word for, “I can’t believe my kid is acting like this, I have tried everything in the world to make them stop, so now I just call it a phase and pray to God morning, noon, and night that they will just grow out of it.” King Toot is still in a destructive, I want to die before I hit 2 phase (I think he’s been in this phase since birth). Here is a post I wrote back in March. Not much has changed except the methods he now employs when he tries to off himself. Apparently he even crawled onto the dining room table and tried to swing from the chandelier last month. While I was cooking, he wandered to the fireplace (which is in sight of the kitchen…and me), opened the ash bucket, and used his sister’s lunch box to then fling ash straight into the air. He had a couple inches of ash covering everything in no more than one minute. All I did was turn around and stir something, and when I turned back he was covered in soot.
But the kicker for me recently has been Urpling. She has been soooooo emotional.
The drama…oh the drama. I leave the room she was sitting and she wails saying she wants me. Her sister talks to her and she starts bawling because she doesn’t want to talk. She gives no warning. She spent weeks at preschool without incident and suddenly for two days last week she screamed like she was dying when I dropped her off. It was so loud and lasted so long that I listened to it for the entire 10 minute walk back home. Also, her normal voice no longer exists. Intead she sports the classic whine…where she adds extra syllables where vowels used to exist. Tonight was the cherry on top after dealing with these roller coaster emotions with as much grace and charm as I could muster. Tonight was the first night of AWANA. I volunteered to lead story time at Cubbies, and also the puppet time. Well,Urpling is now in Cubbies. To say it was a long night is like saying Adolf Hitler made some bad choices. In other words, an understatement.
First she wanted to hold the flag, but then was upset we put the flags away. She spent the rest of the night asking if she could have a flag every fifteen seconds or so. I went to do the puppet show, and she pulls the curtain back, tries to grab the puppet while yelling, “can I have it?” and then asks to have the flags. We go to color and I ask her who loves her (for the craft) and she tells me that grandma, grandpa, “Sasquatch”, and our two dogs do. She also inserted flag in there a couple of times too. During the singing, I was trying to do the motions and she was gripping onto my leg like she was rock climbing. She then asked again to have the flags. We go out to play and she cries because she wants to color. We line up to go in and she cries because she wants to stay outside and then asks if she can have the flags.
So I keep repeating to myself….”You love her. She’s a beautiful and unique soul. She brings you great joy when she’s happy.” Which is all true. But at the moment all I can think about is that I actually want to reactivate my WOW account and go kill some gnomes until I stop seeing red. But I guess crushing some candy will have to suffice.


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