2012 in review


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 2,700 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 5 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.




Way back in 1988, President Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. Now…if you can’t tell from the tone in previous posts, I’m not one for heavy thoughts. Laughter is the way I prefer to get through life and I try not to dwell in intensity for more than a few moments at a time…kinda like a buoy. I prefer to float along and not get bogged down. But if we stick with this barely adequate metaphor, I do need to something to keep me from floating away. So there are a few periods in my life I do not treat lightly. This is one of them. Why? Let me paint a picture. I was pregnant when I married Sir Smiley. Sir Smiley and I will have been married 9 years in March. My oldest….Sasquatch…is not quite 5 years old. If you do the math you will realize I wasn’t pregnant with her. I was carrying twin boys at that time. A month after we were married, while I was about 22 weeks pregnant, I went into labor. I didn’t realize it at the time. I just kept feeling super uncomfortable and thought I needed to go to the bathroom. When I did make it to a restroom at a friend’s house,an umbilical cord came out. Sir Smiley rushed me to the hospital. The whole situation was a rush of images. Screaming for Sir Smiley from the bathroom. Sir Smiley speeding down the road going at least 90 since my contractions (now that I knew that’s what they were) were only about 2 minutes apart. Our Best Man was with us and parked the car. I remember a nurse walking in skeptical and then suddenly the room filling with people as she realized what was happening. The doctor trying to find the heartbeats and only finding one. I don’t remember the delivery of our first born son. He had died already…my water broke the week before but I mistook it for an accident (with two large boys it happens). I do remember the panic on the doctor’s face as he tried to hold the second boy in. The contractions were coming harder and faster and he finally broke the sac and the contractions stopped. He then delivered our second boy. He was alive but his lungs weren’t developed. At some point after that, my parents and Sir Smiley’s parents showed up, as well as my sister and our Pastor and his wife. We all got a chance to hold this precious little boy. We prayed over him and sang together. It was the saddest and most beautiful memory I have. The hospital took pictures for us so I can remember them always. He lived for about an hour before he died. Why do I share this? Because others are going through this. There is comfort in knowing you’re not alone…that others went through this and survived. There is hope.

I am not a big fan of awareness months. Mainly because the things we should be aware of on these months are things that should be a part of life. Breast Cancer, Racism, etc. It’s like dieting vs a life style change. With one the problems come back once the diet (or month) is done. I digress…kind of. But I do think there is something helpful about having a month set aside for the loss of a child…born or unborn. Why? Because this is an issue mothers and fathers do not like to share or talk abut. So it has the appearance of being rare or isolated when really it is very common. Someone going through this needs to know they are not alone. Add this to the fact that talking about loss helps healing. It’s not an easy subject to bring up and even harder to actually get through. But not talking about it leads to a feeling of shame, that somehow if it’s hard to talk about it…it must be something shameful. Not exactly logical, but it happens. Also, when I do talk about my sons, they become part of my family. I love that.

For those of you who have recently gone through this loss, it will get easier. There will be struggles. Planning a funeral. My milk came in and brought fresh pain. Every time I donate blood, they ask how many times I’ve been pregnant. When I was pregnant with King Toot people kept warning me that since I had two girls I was less likely to have a boy…my two beautiful boys weren’t there to change those odds. You will always wonder what life would be like with them. But, as usual, I don’t like to be sad for long. I praise God for the hour I had with one and the eternity I will have with both. Tomorrow a group has asked everyone light a candle in remembrance at 7 pm. I’m not big on mushy things, but I like the symbolism in this. Here’s the sight for more info: October 15th

The very next day after i had the twins, they sang this song at church and it has been a comfort to me ever since. I still struggle to make it through the bridge without crying.
Blessed Be Your Name

I promise a less intense post tomorrow. Like I said, I can only handle so much intensity.

100th Post


So this is my 100th post to my blog. It’s like the 100th day of school, or the 100th episode. I should do something thrilling, unique and maybe artsy craftsy. Maybe I should make a macaroni necklace with 100 noodles on it, or create a blog where my whole family is in an alternate reality and what would that look like. Maybe a collage where I choose 100 objects that reflect aspects if myself and pontificate about what it all symbolizes. But I’m a mom of three little ones and that just sounds exhausting. I’ll have my kids eat 100 Cheerios to commemorate the occasion. But as it is, I think I’ll just ramble on in a windy road of self reflection.
First, I am amazed that people seem to read my blog still…or ever. I expected my family to red it occasionally, but other people seem to actually read it too. Very flattering….but it might be that my thoughts are like a car wreck, you just can’t look away. Or like Jersey Shore. But anyway, I actually seem to be writing to actual readers. A bit intimidating, so I’ll go back to pretending no one reads this. Done and done. Some things I’ve learned in 100 blogs? Well, I suck at grammar. I just gave up, satisfied that at least I don’t look like I’m texting my blogs. btw, I’m omw to get gas, I’ll brb and then I’ll rofl as I watch you try to decode what I just said. (I am laughing right now because my iPad just tried to autocorrect each of those into their actual phrases…I can’t even begin to describe the thoughts that come up when I realized that). So as far as grammar goes…I’ll just try to stay ahead of the curve. Oh, I have also learned that typing on an iPad is good and bad. I am learning some very bad habits. I never use an apostrophe in my contractions as the autocorrect automatically puts it in for me. Double space automatically puts in a period. If I were to ever type on an actual computer keyboard it would look like a monkey took my place. (well, to be fair, a monkey would probably have better grammar). But the autocorrect has been a lifesaver for me. Especially since my spelling leaves something to be desired. I have also learned I am probably the most random person alive. I already knew this, as my friends all through high school would take great joy in teasing me with the bizarre subject changes. But I managed to hide this flaw until I started blogging. I also love using the dot dot dot to show a mental break…I also put in an obscene amount of parenthesis and I have issues hitting the space bar correctly on this iPad. So I’ll look up and an entire sentence is one word.
Second, (if you can really count that whole long ramble as a first thought) I have been pondering why I blog. I used to think blogging was silly. What on Earth would I write about? (see, here is where my grammar incompetence comes in…do you capitalize earth if it’s part of a phrase? Got me.) I have no particular talents…I tend to dabble in everything. My van has the cheesy family decals, a scuba decal, a half marathon decal and a decal for the Horde (world of Warcraft) just to give you a sampling of how random I am to the core. But people who blog are crafty, talented cooks, deep philosophers….and then there’s me. But I did notice something. Across the board, we people are the most judgmental and rigid creatures. Just go to any political post and watch the ugliness ensue. We shake our heads at those with signs or bumper stickers or posts we disagree with…without knowing anything about the person carrying it. What life events caused them to make choices different than you? Are they really worthy of your disdain simply because they have made a political choice that differs from you? Obviously, the other party is evil and is plotting the downfall of man while our party is full of angelic beings and our political leaders are practically the next Messiah (insert sarcasm font here) It gets even worse when you add our children into the mix. I have seen a mom lecture an old man who gave her son some candy from the candy machine her son was checking, Why? Because it had high fructose corn syrup in it. I mean…the guy had to be about eighty. How hard would it be to thank the kind man, and then when they were out of sight throw the candy away? Moms who shake their heads at kids who are having a meltdown, climbing the outside of the play place (yeah, that was me and let’s be honest…I was sitting in McDonald’s…on what basis am I judging people?), using a nuk too long, etc. We all want to look amazing as a mom and then lord it over each other. So, as I said in my About Me section, I blog to make people feel better about themselves. Parenting is the most aggravating, stressful, frustrating, beautiful, rewarding, fun, painful roller coaster ride. I wanted to attempt to demonstrate the emotions of failure surrounded by a deep love and a desire to do better. Success softened by the knowledge of how easily it can slide the other way. For other parents to gain comfort knowing that it won’t always be unicorns and rainbows and fuzzy puppies. I mean, unicorns don’t even exist, it storms before a rainbow appears and fuzzy puppies eat things and shed all over everything. I rest my case, anyone who acts otherwise is lying. We have all hit the point of crying in the short, screaming into pillows and finding ourselves wanting to punch something to release the frustration and hurt building inside us. We have all also melted into little puddles on the floor merely at the sight of our kids smiles. It’s totally normal!
Third, I also decided to blog because Sir Smiley has some fantastic stories from the job and I figured they needed to be written down in some way. It seemed such a waste for these stories to go untold.
Oh, and I needed a place to vent, as my pillows weren’t taking the beatings very well.

So I have made it to 100 posts, and I actually have people reading my blog. Amazing! Thanks to all of you for actually taking time to read the craziness that comes out of my head, and hopefully the next 100 posts will be equally mesmerizing…or horrifying.

About Me


My bible study leader has a great saying… Why do I tell you stories? So you can feel better about yourself.

I have two reasons I decided to blog. The first one has to do with that saying. Too often we moms have a tendency to posture for one another, to look good. I find the result to be moms who feel ashamed of their mistakes and struggles as a parent. So why do I blog? So you can feel better about yourself.

Second reason: Being a stay at home mom has led me to discover, shockingly enough, that spending all day in a house with three kids five and under is not very intellectually stimulating. So I thought maybe trying to write a blog might be difficult enough that I will stop over analyzing every small detail of my life. It is purely for my own entertainment. I also wanted to have a place to store all my own entertaining stories about life with three kids (which I have entitled keeping the peace at home) and all the stories my hubby comes home with from life as a police officer (entitled keeping the peace abroad).
Which brings me to an important point. In this blog, like Dragnet, I have changed the names to protect the innocent (and not so innocent). I am also purposely ambiguous about where I live to protect my family and also my husband and his department. So if you know me, please don’t use our names or locations in any comments. Thanks!
The Family:
Me Hmmm, random facts about me. I am a Christian. God rocks. I am a nerd, I love Felcia Day and her Youtube channel Geek and Sundry. I also play World of Warcraft. (Don’t judge me) I have also taken up training for various triathlons and half marathons. It has yet to help me lose much weight but there is always hope. I am introverted but social so I am a walking contradiction. I am also shockingly insecure at times. I have a phone phobia. I hate talking on the phone and would always rather text. I have a twisted sense of humor. If that bothers you…this isn’t the place for you.
Sir Smiley – my husband. He’s a cop, but he’s crazy funny and just crazy so he never strikes people as one. He’s a bit OCD, a trait which the oldest two children have inherited. (the jury is still out on the youngest)
Sasquatch – the nickname given our oldest for her large birthweight. (10 lbs) Ironically she’s a beanpole now. She is uber verbal and literally can’t ever seem to stop talking. She provides a running narrative of all we do…all the time.
Urpling – the nickname given the middle child for her constant trail of urp left in her wake once she learned to crawl. This one is a bit of a Diva, and may suffer from a hormonal imbalance. When she is happy she is the sweetest girl, but watch out because at any moment she may plummet into the depths of woe. She will also eat anything. We have bribed her to eat lasagna by promising her broccoli. Her conversation skills are lacking…to say the least…but she makes up for it with facial expressions.
King Toot – this seems self explanatory. He’s now one. We joked a out changing his nickname to vector. When he wants something…nothing will stop him. He is as active as Sasquatch and as stubborn as Urpling and ridiculously cute so he gets away with everything.

Important Notes!!!!This blog is not for the perfect parent. There will be jokes about how frustrating kids are, and also mistakes about my failures as a parent. I will joke about the stresses and difficulties of parenting. So if you find it distasteful to joke about such things…this is definitely not the blog for you. If you are hypersensitive about political correctness I suggest you move along. I’m not crude, I try to be respectful, but in the end I enjoy finding humor in all situations. Which means I will find police stories humorous that may well fit into various stereotypes including but not excluded to trailer parks, transients, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. I tell real stories about real people with a humorous twist. I will not use their real names and these stories are not meant to have some deep meaning about society at large. But I find them funny…and this is my blog…so if you don’t like it you are welcome to leave. I moderate comments and will remove comments that I find in poor taste or which instigate arguments.
I usually keep it light but no guarantees.

I’m on Twitter! Follow me for updates and such!

Update: So I have been blogging for 8 months now. I thought I should update this page. My oldest is almost 5, Urpling is now 3 and our youngest is now a year old. This blog has helped a lot with keeping a sense of humor in difficult situations. It has not deterred my over-obsessiveness and over analyzing of pretty much anything. But it has kept it from spewing onto Sir Smiley as much. I am slowly developing my own style of writing (whether that is a good thing or not remains to be seen) and right now that seems to include a lot of … I love using them to create those dramatic or comedic pauses I use in my head but struggle to translate onto paper…er…screen. (see, I used them right there!). Hopefully I can make it to a year!