The Road is Still Long…


Still on the road home. I’ve put about 4,000 miles on the van and will have been in 12 different states. I will get home just about 2 days shy of three full weeks. This is the last few days of my “vacation” and am sitting in a hotel room while the kids have finally drifted off. So I thought I would give a quick update of the highlights of today before crashing myself.

Urpling burning her finger on Grandma’s stove. Not so much a highlight as a nasty event. I was helping get breakfast ready and turn around to shrieking. Fortunately it wasn’t serious…only a small burn on the tip of one finger.

King Toot eating half of a little tea candle while I was dressing Urpling. Maybe eating isn’t accurate. More like chewed on. He took a big bite and I spotted him right as he got a disgusted look on his face, opened his mouth, and let the candle pieces fall to the floor. Sure…dog poop he’ll eat but he draws the line at scented candles apparently.

King Toot getting a cut on his finger and bleeding everywhere at church. Still not sure what he actually cut himself on. I think it may have been a paper cut.

After finding and applying a bandaid to King Toot’s finger…trying to play with him to keep him from pulling the bandaid off only to smack his head on the pew and make him scream. Parenting fail.

Getting up from the table at lunch (in a restaurant) only to first almost tip over the table when I leaned on it…to then knocking my chair over as I jumped back from the table. It was graceful to say the least.

Sasquatch and Urpling getting so bored in Kansas that they just sit for a half hour and cover their mouths and giggle hysterically at each other.

Hundreds of birds circling over a field. I think they were plotting the demise of the local citizens. (Watch Hitchcock’s “The Birds” and you’ll understand my creep factor with that one)

King Toot kicked the DVD player in front of him and somehow managed to change the language settings from English so the next hour was spent listening to The Incredibles in Spanish. My vocabulary has expanded from that experience.

Passing an Ihop and deciding I wanted to eat there. So I exit the next mile up to turn around…only to discover it was a highway with no exits for the next five miles. That made me very cheerful.

Sitting in Ihop and having Urpling start crying because she decided to pee so much…right then…that it filled her diaper and ran down her leg. So I had to lug all three of them to the bathroom to strip her down and put her in shorts.

The fact that the waitress in the Ihop in Salina, Kansas was missing at least half her teeth. No stereotypes being fulfilled there or anything.

Overall it was an eventful day. I have had a lot of fun…but definitely ready to get home. I’m missing my Sir Smiley time. Next stop is my sister’s house. The finally home!


The Long Road Back


We’re on the long road back home. About 2,00 miles to cover and making long loopy routes back to visit various relatives all over the country. It is only the start of the week long trek back and already it has been fascinating. Some highlights:

Sasquatch, in the middle of nowhere, starts squealing because the large remote control cars antenna was tangled in her hair. I look in the review mirror and sure enough this heavy car is dangling down the side of her head as she frantically pulls on it to get it off. I assured her I would exit as soon as I could but fortunately she managed to extract the toy before I had to.

Shopping with an Amish man at the grocery store. My kids thought he was awesome.

Abby discovering Barbies. I’m sure Sir Smiley won’t be pleased but I loved Barbies growing up and it’s fun to watch her play with them.

Learning knew card games. On the list is Spoons and Hand and Foot. (I secretly call it hand, foot and mouth…but let’s keep that between us.)

One cousin (who is Sasquatch’s age) saving a jar of marbles from King Toot and announcing, ” No, No! You can’t have these! Not even one!”

Next stop is Sir Smiley’s grandma’s house tomorrow. Long car ride there again. Bring it on…

In the drive thru


Both Sir Smiley and I have had head colds. So cooking dinner was something neither of us was prepared to handle. McDonalds was calling our name. We pull up in the drive thru and I place our order. They didn’t have the drink Sasquatch wanted so there was a quick discussion where she chose lemonade. After I placed the order she yells out, “I want a toy too! Did you ask them for a toy?” Another discussion about the fact that kids meals automatically come with toys. Sasquatch seemed skeptical but took on an attitude of we’ll wait and see who’s right. (FYI….I was. I am ALWAYS right) We wait for the car in front of us to get their food. She asks where his kids are as he is the only one in the vehicle. I tell her he’s probably getting food for himself. She’s dumbfounded. Then she states, “He must be getting his kids food and bringing it home to them.” Apparently, in her world, McDonalds is only for kids. Here we have one of many adventures that happen in the van…