Patch work


Don’t get me wrong, I love Awana. I think it’s an awesome program. I grew up in it and I am so excited that my daughters get to be in it as well. However, you think after all these years, and all the technological advances, they would have come up with a better way of putting patches onto their vests. But we still have to sew them on, each and every one of them. I am not very domestic when it comes to sewing. I think monkeys can sew better than I can. So this makes it difficult for me to even summon up the courage to start sewing those patches on. I usually let them collect for months. Then when I have accumulated enough patches where the embarrassment of not having them on overcomes my trepidation at having to get the sewing kit out and brave threading a needle. Last night was the award ceremony for Awana. So I needed to have all the patches for Sasquatch put on her vest for the ceremony. Amazingly enough, I was only 4 patches behind. I first had to dig around the house for 10 minutes looking for the sewing kit. Once I finally found it, I discovered one of the needles already had some thread on it left over from my last patch sewing adventure. Excellent! So I start to sew the first two patches that go on one side of the vest. I get one and a half done…but with half a patch to go, I run out of thread. So now I have the annoyance that I have to tie off the last piece of thread, cut a new piece of thread, and try to thread the needle all for three more stitches. Instead I have the brilliant idea that I will instead start on the two patches on the other side first, and then use whatever thread I have left over to finish the first side. Glowing from my brilliance, I unroll a nice long piece of thread. But as I start to thread the needle, I come across a problem. There is a knot in the middle of my thread! I try to untangle it, but in the process managed to break the thread in half. So now instead of one nice long piece, I have two shorter pieces. Awesome. So now I take one piece and go to thread the needle. I hate threading needles. I am terrible at threading needles. It usually takes me 5 minutes just to thread a needle. As usual, I get the two ends lined up, wet them so they stay together and aim for the eye of the needle. As usual, there is always some stray piece of thread that was left over when I cut it that sticks at an odd angle, so I can’t get the thread through. Then, inevitably, I get one end through and not the other. I finally get it through a little only to have one end fall out again before I can pull it all the way through. After several attempts and resisting the urge to swear at the needle, I get it threaded and begin sewing on the other side. But since the thread broke, this thread also only lasts for one and a half patches. I repeat the threading process again and sew the last half of one patch and tie it off. Then I have to make a knot at the end to sew the other side. But even though I was excellent at making knots earlier, my power is now gone. After all this, I finally get all the patches on, Breathing a sigh of relief I hold up Sasquatch’s vest, only to realize one patch is slightly off center. It is a good half and inch to the left of where it was supposed to be. But I am resigned to an off balance vest, as there is no way I am going to do it. Next year, I’m using duct tape, or hiring a monkey.

Note: After writing this, I noticed that I never left a spot on one side for a patch that Sasquatch will get during her second year. So I will have to remove 5 patches and move them down to make room for that patch. *sigh