Potty Training my Strong Willed Child

I always knew potty training a strong-willed child would be difficult. I had braced myself for unending battles of wills. I had figured it would be a lot of trying and seeing if he was up for it, and then quitting when he asserted that HE was not going along with this. He likes to assert himself…a lot…so I was braced for the idea that we would need to use all manner and method of persuasion before he would finally concede. Probably around the age of six. I was braced for that.
Imagine my surprise and delight when around the age of three, we start sticking him on the toilet…and after only a few minor skirmishes he concedes and starts peeing in a toilet. He stays dry at night! But while he no longer feels comfortable peeing in his diaper, he screams bloody murder when you put him on the toilet. Then he pees. It wasn’t perfect, but it was something. Not long after, a miracle happens. He poops in the toilet! Fairly consistently, with only a few messes in his diaper. I’m elated! But then something happens that I had never foreseen. Not in my wildest dreams. He has now taken to refusing to poop. Not in his diaper…and not in the toilet. He is so stubborn that he is trying to assert his will over Mother Nature itself. He refuses to heed the call of the wild and no mere bodily function will win over HIM. He first would go a couple days without pooping. We would stick him on the toilet and he would cry a bit, poop, and be in a much better mood. Then it was three days. Right now, I think it’s been about four days…maybe five and he’s sitting in there refusing to poop.
I’m not sure whether to laugh, cry, or be worried about his bowel health. He is literally full of you-know-what! We’ll see who wins…Mother Nature or King Toot. But my money is on King Toot.

It’s like riding a bike…

One of the universal rights of passage is learning to ride a bike. I had decided, very early on, that bike riding would fall into daddy territory. Mainly because I realized that while I am a fairly mellow person…as a mom I envision all sorts of horrific possibilities when my kids are doing almost anything. Say we’re at the park playing. When all they’re doing is digging in sand. I worry they won’t fit in with the other kids and be made fun of. Or that they’ll get sand in their eyes. Or they’ll burn themselves on the hot sand. Or suddenly collapse and die of heat stroke. Or that they aren’t getting enough water. Or that I’m looking at my phone to read a text and ignored them for a few minutes…scarring them for life and causing irreparable emotional damage. The list goes on and on. I decided that an activity involving them careening at high speeds on two wheels down a street with cars would not go well for anyone involved, if I was there.
So Sir Smiley has taken it upon himself to work with the kids. He even tracked down one of those coasting bikes, where you don’t have pedals but instead push with your feet. Apparently, it teaches kids to balance first before making them focus on pedaling as well. Seems legit. But after working with them for a few weeks, I have a sneaking suspicion (I seriously reread this…and that word looks wrong. Suspicion. It feels like it should be suspision, or suspiscion…but autocorrect disagrees with me. Now I can’t seem to find any spelling that looks RIGHT. I guess I’ll bow to autocorrect’s expertise)..a sneaking suspicion that they will learn to ride a bike around the same time they learn how to drive.
Sasquatch is terrified of her bike. It’s reminiscent of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes.

Well…maybe not quite that bad. But you get the picture. Sir Smiley spends a good amount of time coaxing her onto the bike, then pushes her while she wails in terror. Stops to give her a break. She then proceeds to somehow fall over and never even puts her hands up to catch herself. Splat! She is suddenly face down on the ground with the bike on top of her.

He has tried almost everything and she’s still terrified.
Then there’s Urpling. Quirky little Urpling. She loves the balance bike (I looked it up and that is the official term). Here’s a picture of it:

She hops on that thing at the garage, gives herself a good push, and coasts all the way down the block without ever touching the ground. Her natural balance is amazing. We were thrilled! This bike is perfect! Now we just need to get her on a regular bike. Except, once we do, she transforms into Sasquatch.

Finally, we tried King Toot. He loves the tricycle. Unlike our girls, he has immediately grasped the concept of pedaling and cruises all over the place. So we tried putting him on the balance bike. He grabs the handle bars…and shuffles himself around without ever taking his feet off the ground. He’s still impressively fast. But not quite what we’re looking for.
I’m not gonna lie and say this has been a crushing disappointment. I’m not ready to watch my kids cruising around the block on two wheels. They’re still my babies. But I have had a steady supply of amusement watching Sir Smiley’s frustration as he tries to find some way to convince just one of our kids to ride a bike. I mean, you know what they say…it’s just like riding a bike. But apparently it isn’t as easy the first time around.

Mommy Sick Day

Moms do not get a sick day. It doesn’t matter where you live, whether you work or stay home…there is no break. Gone are the days when you wake up feeling cruddy and get to curl up under a blanket and be miserable while your mom fetches you liquids and cuddly things and entertainment for you. Now you still have to tend to other people…and take care of yourself…when you just want to lay as still as possible and be miserable until it passes.
I’m sick. Some nasty head cold that leaves my days filled with body aches and lots of mucus. But there is no break. My sick day has consisted of taking the kids to and from school, making sure they’ve eaten, and caring for basic physical needs. Nope, I have no idea what we’ve eaten in the past few days and I’m fairly certain its nutritional value was negligible…but I do know we’ve eaten. They’ve been bathed occasionally so that they don’t smell too bad. They’ve arrived at school and did stuff there.
But it’s when your sick that everything has to happen. Murphy’s law in action…when you want to do absolutely nothing, that’s when everything needs to be done. It’s when you end up dumping cereal all over the floor because someone put the box away upside down. It’s when two light bulbs burn out in your laundry room so you can’t see anything until you replace them. This is also when the door to door salesman decides to stop by again, and won’t go away. Or when two doctor offices call. Or when the blood donation place calls to ask you to donate blood. Did I mention most of these things happen when you’re trying to grab a quick nap because the kids are actually being quiet?
During my sick day, my child’s IEP meeting that only happens once a year happened. But of course I was in such a funk I completely forget. Thankfully Urpling’s teacher is an understanding and gracious person, and after calling several times over a half hour I finally answered and she agreed to a phone conference. Bless that woman! It’s also when King Toot ripped the top part of his nail off leaving a wound that caused him to cry suddenly and loudly every few minutes. But when I tried to put a bandaid on it, he screamed like he was dying and ripped the bandaid off.
Of course, potty training has taken a back seat, but I did manage to stick King Toot on the toilet and he pooped a poop as large as his head. I was extremely grateful to see that go in the toilet and not his diaper….until it plugged up the toilet and caused it to overflow…twice. My friend called three times until I finally answered. She asked me to watch her kids for 10 minutes because she had to leave and her husband wasn’t home yet. I explained I was sick and she was desperate so I agreed to watch them for 10 minutes…and the husband arrived about 40 minutes later. Around that time is when King Toot was banging on his door to get out. But when I tried to let him out, I discovered he had locked himself into his room. Sure, we have a safety knob on the inside of the door that is taped over so it should be physically impossible to lock his door now. But he did. I went to go get the screwdriver to remove the knob..but the lights were burned out in the laundry room so I couldn’t see. I replaced the lights, got the screwdriver, released the kraken…er…child, and then turned the knob around so it locks from the outside. During the past two days, I have stuck my kids in front of the TV a lot. Judge me, I don’t care, I want to die right now anyway. But the netflix played so long it stopped and asked if we were still there or something. Urpling decided to make it go again by herself, and proceeded to lose the remote. The only way to control our Apple TV and she hid it in some special place I couldn’t find. I cleaned the house looking for it. I was tired, cranky, and upset by that point so I just sent them to bed before I overreacted (more than I already had). Sir Smiley found it buried in the love seat when he got home that night.
So I ask one thing…when you see a mom who looks near death, dressed like she changed in the dark, with circles under her eyes…pity her. Send a little prayer up for her mental health and sanity, and maybe buy her a coffee…she’s gonna need it.

Life

What can you say about life? It has been a hectic year. Not much has really gone according to plan (if you read about my vacation in New Zealand…that is an excellent example). I had a hysterectomy the week of Thanksgiving. After three years of excessive bleeding, I’m finally done. But it has been a long recovery and much harder than I expected. It’s not that I expected to be up and about instantly. But it’s all the small things I didn’t expect that dishearten me. My brain doesn’t seem to remember things, and looking on the forums I am not alone in this problem. Many are saying it took 6 months to a year before they seemed to have a functioning brain. Which isn’t upsetting at all (that was sarcastic). Same goes with fatigue. It can be overwhelming at times. So while this is a very good thing in the long run, it’s hard to keep that in focus when I feel trapped inside the house and completely useless to my family. About two weeks after my surgery, my in-laws came to visit. The day before they arrive, my car started making noises. Well, I should clarify, it was making the same noises that it has been for a while. But now they were louder, more pronounced, and distinctly intimidating. We took the car in, only to discover that basically all the frame of the front end was cracking. Not just minor cracks or bends, but everything was about ready to shatter. They had to order the parts, as my van is now old enough where they don’t keep them on hand. My mom, graciously, allowed us to borrow my dad’s car (Did I forget to mention that he travelled to Togo, Africa for 6 weeks to work as a doctor in a medical mission hospital up there? Well, he did. So he didn’t need his car. So we took his car). They finally fixed it all, so we now have basically a brand new front end but are out $2,500 (I love our shop, they do a great job and are reasonable it could have been a LOT more). I’m grateful that I didn’t have a major accident while driving that time bomb around town. Also, during all this, my grandma died. She was suffering from dementia and had been deteriorating, but it is still surprising the sense of loss. So, my in-laws visit two weeks after my surgery, and half way through their visit I travel back to my home state for my grandmother’s memorial. There was relief, knowing that she’s now in heaven and her mind is whole. But it was surprisingly hard too. After this, I make it home, and we have more personal things happen. Family members are struggling, and awful crap happening at workforce my husband. I have no control over these things. They are private and not mine to share. But the frustration at seeing those you love suffer, and being unable to do anything about it is painful and humbling. All I can do is go down on my knees, pray for wisdom, and show love as best I can. In the meantime I visualize kicking various butts around until people start to use common sense again.
My dad calls us via Skype on Christmas to tell us good and bad news. One of the surgeons he was working with had a dad visiting him. This dad ended up with failing kidneys. Nowhere in Togo did they have the treatment to help this man, so he needed to travel back to the states and needed constant medical supervision to do so. My dad ended up coming home a few weeks early, after volunteering to provide that medical supervision. It was wonderful to have him back home with us, but I know it was hard for him to end his trip early, feeling like he hadn’t completed his mission. The day he came home, while we greeted him at the airport, Sir Smiley received news that his dad’s best friend, a man who was like a second father to him growing up, had died suddenly and unexpectedly. I have only seen my husband truly cry three times in life. Once when his grandpa died. Once at the funeral of our twin boys. The third being while we drove home after he got this news. We couldn’t afford for him to go back for the funeral, but we were there in spirit. Finally, I got a text that my grandma (the other one) had been admitted into the ER for chest pain. After a long night of worrying, she was released. They never found out what was wrong, but all the tests came back just fine. The relief that I didn’t need to deal with more tragedy was deep.

No one’s life is perfect. When you peel back the layers, there is always struggle and heartbreak. Also, no one’s life is without blessings. Each and everyone of us has been blessed. Life is a mixture of both. At my church we learned the importance of contentment. The final commandment is do not covet, and at the heart of that is God telling us that He should be enough. We should not want any life other than what we’ve been given. Sometimes this is easy to do. Other times it is not. The past month has been such a jumble of stuff that this lesson has been important for me. I lost a grandma. But she is whole and well, and with my boys and other family members that have gone before us. Recovery from my surgery has been long. But it’s taught me to stop earning love from others and just accept love and aid when others offer it. I can’t control everything. In fact, the facade has been ripped away and I truly realize how little I am in control of anything. But it’s deepened my reliance on God. There has been a lot of heartache. But my family is strong. I love my husband. I’m proud of him, and our love is deep. My children can be crazy and difficult. But they are so precious to me. I’m grateful for all the blessings God has given me. Because I realize how much we take for granted until it starts to get pulled away.

Life. What can you say about life? It is what God gave me.

What do you do all day? Part 2

Wanna be up to speed? Here’s the introduction. This is the first part of my day. Basically, it takes up until about noon. Wanna know what I did the rest of the day? Hope so, since that is the illustrious topic of today’s post. Without further ado, I’ll pick up right after lunch.

12:15 – After lunch, the kids ran around the house a bit while I cleaned up their dishes.
12:20 – I then put King Toot in his room for “quiet rest time”. The rule…I don’t care what you do in there as long as it is quiet. They need some down time…and so do I! Some days this works and I get a bit of a break. But more often than not it is like today…where every 15 minutes I have to go in and remind him to be quiet. Then I discover that he has pooped and is happily playing in it. Now rethinking my decision to potty train just yet.
12:25 – I finally make my lunch…and consume it. I also play Candy Crush and then watch Dr. Who for a bit of a respite.
1:30 – I pick up the house, including the misc toys that have been distributed every where.
2:10 – I head out to run errands with Urpling. We go and check the mail, where I have to remind her three times that she’s not allowed to squish the bags of packing peanuts. We then go to deposit a check, during which time Urpling asks for money to play an arcade game. I refuse. We then head to Goodwill where I buy some new movies and toys (well, new to us) for our church preschool. Finally we brave Walmart to buy a few groceries. Urpling helps me scan things at the self check out. She has a blast…even if each item took about 4 tries. Did I mention we spent every moment in the car listening to “Let it Go” while Urpling belts the song out at the top of her lungs? Well, we did. It was simultaneously adorable, hilarious, and aggravating.
3:10 – We get home and I unload Urpling and the groceries.
3:20 – By this time I have put all the groceries away and I load Urpling and King Toot into the double stroller to go get Sasquatch and two of our neighbor kids.
3:30 – We make it to school just as the kids are being let out and I walk the two kids who live behind me to their home. Sasquatch tells me about her bad day where the other kids blamed her for bringing acorns into the class, even though she didn’t do it. I console and commiserate with her.
3:40 – I drop off the neighbors, and then King Toot cries because he can’t go to neighbors.
3:42 – King Toot goes onto time out because the massive disappointment of having to come home caused him to shriek in a pitch that only dogs can hear.
3:45 – I get all the kiddos settled and they have a snack…which is left over candy from Halloween. Mom win…or fail?
4:05 – I work with Sasquatch on her homework. So grateful her math homework does not require drawing pictures to demonstrate the problem…considering she is very artistic and must include great detail in each drawing. Math homework can take a really, really, really, really long time when that happens.
4:20 – Leaving Sasquatch to work on her own math problems, I go to take a shower.
4:45 – I emerge and start prepping dinner. At this time I also make all the kids lunches for tomorrow. As I cook, I watch Dr. Who. Because, well, it’s Dr. Who. (Don’t ask me how many times I’ve watched Dr. Who. Mainly because cause I’ve lost track. Also, don’t tell me about the new season. I haven’t seen it and, “Spoilers!”. Bonus points go to you if you just read that quote in Dr. River Song’s voice…)
5:45 – Dinner and lunches for tomorrow are now ready. I get everything dished up and Sir Smiley proceeds to help me get everything on the table while we summon small ones to come eat.
5:55 – All the kids actually eat most of their food. King Toot does require a mixture of pleading, cheering, and a bit of force to get him to eat his. Sir Smiley and I thoroughly enjoyed it…as dinner turned out quite good.
6:15 – Our friend joins us and also enjoys the food I made, while I proceed to chase kids around. I manage to get shoes on all children’s feet, and both girls are wearing their vests for Awana. I do have to ask Urpling to put her shoes on 3 times before she responds and actually does it. In the meantime, Sasquatch is still somehow eating a miniature candy bar. How she can manage to turn a bite-sized snickers into 5 minutes of eating…I can’t quite figure out. It is, by definition, the size of one bite.
6:25 – I leave to drop all the kids off at church. I herd them each to their prospective room and then practically skip back out to the car. I drive home…alone…for the first time that day and enjoy the three minutes of solitude.
6:35 – I arrive home to help Sir Smiley lead our bible study. We go through a few chapters of the “Screwtape Letters” and have some deep discussion about virtues and how Satan tries to render them (and us) powerless to work for God. It was some good stuff.
8:05 – Sir Smiley graciously goes to pick up the kids for me so I can stay and talk to my friend. We hang out and chat until the chaos returns. Then she heads home.
8:30 – The kids come home. Sasquatch has said all her sections…plus some extra ones…and was very proud of herself. She had been struggling to actually focus enough during AWANA to say the verses she had practiced all week, so this was a big victory for her. King Toot at this point is past his expiration date, and he has turned sour.
8:45 – King Toot, having refused to actually nap today, proceeds to have a clear and epic meltdown. Not a tantrum…but an actual meltdown (there is a difference). I dressed him for bed, and then we wrapped ourselves up in a blanket and I rocked him and sang to him until he calmed down. Then off to bed he went. In the meantime the girls helped finish off the dessert from bible study.
8:50 – Put the girls to bed, and read to them. We’re now reading slowly through chapter books, and read picture books during the day. It keeps Sasquatch’s attention better…and mine.
9:07 – I reread a letter Sir Smiley wrote to double check it for him.
9:17 – The girls, refusing to sleep, start whining at each other because Urpling is singing too loudly and Sasquatch can’t rest when she’s being so loud. Urpling is upset because she’s singing to her animal and her animal can’t sleep if she doesn’t sing to it. I do a little negotiating and eventually convinced them both, begrudgingly, to quiet down.
9:20 – Sat down to watch the newest episode of Supernatural before calling it a night…only to discover there was no new episode this week. Oh the humanity! I now have to wait an entire week before watching the 200th episode. So I console myself with some…you guessed it…Dr. Who.
10:40 – I set the alarm for 6:15 am thinking I can get a few chores done before the kids wake up.

This should give you a general idea of my days. A few last minute notes:
– This is NOT all inclusive. I’m unable to jot down every single moment with great detail (and I don’t want to…it’s already long enough). It doesn’t include Sasquatch making a lego church, or Urpling pushing King Toot around in bike trailer. It doesn’t include Sir Smiley and I making kid sandwich hugs. It doesn’t include my kids running at daddy full speed and jumping on him…over and over and over again. Squealing and laughing every time.
– King Toot is a strong willed kid. No doubt about it. I talk about that in other posts. Feel free to read. But I want it on the record that while he screams a lot, he is not spoiled. I deal with him as fairly and consistently as is humanly possible. Also, while he is far from compliant…he is also my most snuggly child. Whenever I need a hug or some snuggles, he is always up for it. His favorite game is to say, “Iwuvoo” to me so that I’ll grab him and shower him with hugs and kisses. I wouldn’t change him for the world.
– Some days are easier. Some days I get a miraculous nap in. Or we sit all snuggled on the couch together watching a movie. Or I get to have some “me time”.
– some days are harder. I cry, or go to my room to scream and throw things so I don’t take my frustrations out on my kids. Or I’m so tired I’m just ready to be done with kids. Where I want to walk out the front door, not forever but for a day or so.
– All moms (and I suspect dads…although I feel I’m not qualified to speak for them) have these same daily struggles. The highs and lows will look a little different but we all have them. I like being honest about it. I love being a mom. There are moments I am trying to grab and hang on to with all my might before they slip away. Others I cheer like my team made the super bowl when they finally pass. But I love my life. This was a sample of it, to give you a glance in the window. Hope you found it enlightening..or at least entertaining.

What do you do all day? Part 1

I wrote a bit of a preface to this post yesterday, which can be read here. This ended up being quite lengthy, so I shortened it up a bit for the sake of our sound-bite style culture. So this was my day yesterday…up until about lunch. This is a pretty typical day for me. In fact, this is falling during my rest and recovery weeks so this doesn’t even include my triathlon training I usually also include during the year. Be that as it may…a sample of my day (no, I did not intend to rhyme there. But I did. Because I’m a genius.)

6:15 – The alarm goes off. I wonder what insanity possessed me to decide I would get up this early. I decide to just lay there for a minute and “let myself wake up”.
6:50 – I wake up and realize that I had fallen back to sleep. So I play a little Candy Crush to “help me wake up”.
7:00 – I finally actually leave bed and get myself ready. Today this consists of brushing my teeth and putting on semi-clean clothes.
7:15 – I get the kids up. King Toot has a dirty diaper, and as I go to change it I realize the wipes are empty. I refill it and then get him cleaned up. Then I get him dressed while I remind the girls that they will need actual clothes to go to school. King Toot proceeds to show his displeasure with my choice for his wardrobe by screaming. Why? Because I told him he couldn’t wear his Captain America costume…which he’s worn so much it is now a bit gamey.
7:30 – I have the kids count their magnets. This is our reward system and we usually do it the night before…but I forgot.
7:35 – I start my bible study.
7:36 – Sasquatch comes out and announces that she can’t get into the office to practice her piano. I go let her in.
7:38 – I start my bible study…again.
7:40 – I get a call from my sister. We chat.
7:45 – While chatting with my sister, my neighbor shows up with her daughter who walks with us to school twice a week.
7:47 – I continue my bible study.
7:50 – Sasquatch comes out and says the keyboard won’t work. I inquire (okay…demand) why she hasn’t already finished practicing…let alone started. She shrugs. Sensing my displeasure, she finally practices her piano.
7:55 – I finish my bible study.
8:00 – I prep breakfast for all my kids, and myself.
8:01 – I put King Toot on time out for screaming at me…because I wouldn’t let him throw Urpling’s pumpkin across the room like a basketball.
8:03 – King Toot is removed from time out. Urpling proceeds to wrestle him to the ground because he has a toy she wants. I tell them both to knock it off.
8:05 – I now have breakfast ready and I call for the kids. Urpling is dragging King Toot down the hallway by the arm. She refuses to stop when I ask her to. She does not like being punished for it. So we begin breakfast with Urpling and King Toot both wailing. Score 2 for mommy.
8:09 – After fetching things for kids while they are eating I finally sit down and realize that I have no spoon and no milk for my cereal. I remedy this problem.
8:15 – King Toot has still refused to eat even one bite of his cereal. He also has handed me an empty glass. I ask him if he wants more. He says, “No!” I put the cup in the sink, he yells, “No!”. I ask him if he needs juice. He yells, “No!”. I finally tell him if he wants juice he needs to say “yes mommy”, or hold his peace. He mumbles “essommy” under his breath. I give him some juice which he promptly throws on the floor. He still refuses to eat breakfast and not wanting to be late I just let him get down. He then immediately grabs his bag of Halloween candy and hands it to me saying, “Peeeeeese???”. Then wails when I tell him he does not get to have candy in lieu of breakfast.
8:20 – I send the girls in to brush their teeth and hair while I clean up breakfast. I then realize I didn’t make Sasquatch her lunch. Guess she’ll be buying school lunch today.
8:25 – I discover Sasquatch is standing in the bathroom with her toothbrush (that has toothpaste on it)…frozen. I inquire as to what she’s been doing for 5 minutes and she stares at me blankly.
8:27 – Sasquatch has finally brushed her teeth and is now getting her shoes on, as does Urpling, while I put King Toot’s shoes on and go search for my own. While I’m trying to find my shoes, Urpling demands I find her Buzz doll. I tell her no. Meanwhile, King Toot is wailing because he wants to get going now that his shoes are on and none of his subjects…I mean family…are ready.
8:30 – Sasquatch kindly finds the Buzz doll for Urpling, I have my shoes on, and all of us head out the door with the double stroller and walk to school. We wave at the dump trucks, while our neighbor and Sasquatch come up with rhyming words together.
8:40 – We make it to school, just as the classes are heading in. Drop off neighbor and Sasquatch and then walk to visit our PTO president, who is also the crossing guard and preschool aid. I’m not sure when she has time to breathe. My kids demand snacks from her and she kindly complies. *sigh
9:00 – We walk back to the school drop off and drop Urpling off for preschool. Only then do I realize that she does not have her backpack. *facepalm moment
9:05 – I meet up with a fellow school parent and she passes her daughter off. We swap every week, so she watches King Toot every other week and I watch her daughter on opposite weeks. Doesn’t seem fair, since her daughter is a sweetheart and my son is, in the words of Rants from Mommyland, “a cupcake baked by the devil”. But I won’t complain. I walk home.
9:15 – I take a moment to surf the net and dink around on my iPad.
9:35 – I chat with hubby who is now awake.
9:45 – I feed the dogs.
9:50 – I clear off the bulletin board of the month’s worth of papers my kids have brought home or made. I leave the most recent creations up and file the others either in their memory boxes…or the recycling.
10:00 – I go through our mail and our stack of to-do papers from the mail. I pay bills, recycle the junk mail, and set aside things I need to run errands for.
10:10 – I call the animal licensing department as they claim I didn’t send in a renewal…even though I had.
10:17 – They actually answer the phone and then tell me it takes over 3 weeks to “process” my application. Whatever. At least I know they did receive it. I then go through all our paperwork and file it away in our file cabinet.
10:30 – I use the facilities. Then I chase the kiddos around the house, play with the dolls, assemble our Mrs. Potato Head, and play in the castle.
10:40 – I return various texts and phone calls. (Sir Smiley is now picking up dog poop and mowing the yard. I LOOOOOVE him.)
11:00 – Bathroom break for the kids. My visitor is potty trained and my son decided he needed to sit on the toilet too. I’m thrilled and hope this new fad actually sticks with him. I make plans to start potty training my stubborn child.
11:15 – I grab the kids a snack and then turn on Qubo for a few final moments before we go pick up Urpling from preschool and return my sweet visitor. I want to keep her as my son has not wailed this entire morning, and seems keen to impress her with his manners. I start blogging for the first time in months!
11:40 – I load up the bike trailer and head to school. Drop off sweet visitor with her mom and get Urpling. Head home.
11:55 – I didn’t get lunch ready last night. So I throw some meat on a plate, along with a cheese stick and squeezable apple sauce pouches and called it lunch. Kids eat that and some leftover Halloween candy. In the meantime, I check facebook. I used to eat lunch with them, but I found my lunch was always cold by the time I did. So now I just wait until they’re done and “put away”.

So there it is. The first half of my day. It doesn’t include everything. Every time I had to stop and remind someone of something, or wait for them to investigate a spot on the ground, or answer the same question 80 times, or to see something completely ordinary as though it was the greatest discovery in the known universe. These are all part of my day to day life. It’s not bad. It’s not fast. It IS time consuming. And it’s my life.

In keeping with parenting debates

My last post was about one of the big parenting debates: spanking. Apparently I’m going for a theme, because this one will be about stay at home moms vs working moms. I constantly see these debates going on between them. Essentially both are trying to prove their importance to the other. Both sides feel misunderstood…probably because they are. As a SAHM, I can’t fully grasp what working moms go through. Because I haven’t done it. I can get a general idea, I can empathize, but I can’t actually understand what they go through. Same goes for them. So we sit and debate each other about our lives. Why? No idea. We want to feel validated and when someone else doesn’t validate us the way we want them to we react…and a debate ensues.
How do mothers…society really…determine a person’s value? By how busy they are. So we get a debate raging and working mothers bemoan how busy and stressful their lives are…thus they are important. So SAHM respond by attempting to prove how busy they are. How they have to spend all day every day with kids. Picking up after them, entertaining them, etc. So they are just as stressed and busy as working moms and thus are just as important.
I’ll be honest. I’m not here to do that. I stay at home BECAUSE it is less stressful. I’m not as busy. I have time to play with my kids, fold the laundry, and keep the house in order without trying to squeeze these things in at the end of a busy day at work. I don’t have to try to fit my quality time in with my husband and my kids when I’m already exhausted from working all day elsewhere. It’s why I chose to stay home. It doesn’t mean that I’m not stressed or busy…sometimes. Because I am. It doesn’t mean I’m not struggling day to day. Because I do. It also doesn’t mean I’m less important. Because I’m not. Being busy and stressed doesn’t make a person important…it makes them stressed and busy. Being a mom is what makes you important. Working moms, SAHM moms…we all have ups and downs to our lives. But we all are important!
Over the next couple days, I’ve decided to answer a big question SAHMs get a lot. WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY? I’m tracking my day today and I’ll split it up over the next day or two. But I wanted to introduce the concept today with this post serving as a preface. This does not prove that I’m more important. I’m important because of my three kiddos I’m pouring my life into and a husband I work hard to stay close to and support through all the ups and downs. But I also don’t sit around watching soaps and eating Bon-bons all day. So these posts will be a humorous look into what a SAHM deals with. I hope you all will enjoy it…tomorrow. Cause that’s when I’m writing it. I’ve already been writing this post for about 10 minutes and that’s plenty. I’m like George RR Martin. You need patience as you wait for the next epic installment.

Yet Another Parenting Debate…

I wasn’t sure how to title this blog. I’m not sure how I will approach this blog. I wasn’t sure whether I would even write this blog. But these thoughts are swirling through my head and I need to get them out. So here I go.

This whole Adrian Peterson thing has once again started a social media frenzy of people weighing in on spanking. I’ve read a lot of articles. Spanking is child abuse. Spare the rod spoil the child. It makes my head hurt. Apparently we’re all experts here. We all have psychology degrees and know what’s best for everyone else. Also, we apparently have to choose a side on this. We’re either supposed to declare unequivocally that spanking is wrong and a form of child abuse…or that if you don’t spank you are indulgent and spoil your kids. I will let you know right now…I fall under neither camp (or either camp…whatever. My grammar has always sucked eggs. Whatever that means.)

I could tell you my thoughts and defend a side. I could point out that reacting to a child hitting by turning around and hitting them back seems like nonsense and illogical. I could point out how most kids turn out well-rounded and respectful without ever receiving a spanking. I could also turn around and point out that no..I don’t spank my husband. But I also don’t put him in time out, ground him, or discipline him. That yelling at kids can also be abuse but that doesn’t mean to avoid abuse we would never talk to our kids. Or that hitting itself isn’t hurtful…it’s my sons favorite form of affection (he will walk up to me, tell me he loves me, and give me a good “love punch”). But we’ve all heard it all. Back and forth and back we go. We keep trying to show that we’re good parents by the form of discipline we choose.

Which brings us to the crux of all my thoughts. I think the truth is soooooo much more difficult than what style of parenting we choose (yes, I do believe spanking is a form of discipline and not abuse. No, I don’t begrudge those who think differently…you are entitled to your opinion and undoubtably have well thought out reasons behind it. Yes, that was probably a run-on sentence but I refer to my “grammar sucks eggs” comment). The truth is more difficult to define, and more difficult to achieve. Abuse is so much more than an action. It is created by who you are as a parent. It is created by the environment you have made, the love (or lack of love) you show. It’s created by your heart. It’s easy and safe to declare to yourself (and maybe others) that I’m a good parent because I’ve never yelled. Because I don’t spank. Because I do spank. Because I’ve followed the rules I’ve chosen. But what environment have you created is really what is essential.

My example…I was spanked as a child. I’m not justifying spanking by using the old anecdotal “I was spanked and turned out fine”. It’s not just that I turned out fine. It’s that growing up, my home was the only place where I felt truly safe. School, even church, were filled with those who were mean or cruel. But my home was my safe haven. Spanking didn’t create or destroy that safe haven. My parents were the ones to create that haven, through their day to day patience and love for me. They were open with me. I could tell them things and not worry about anger or extreme reactions. I knew that every single time my dad got mad at me that 10 minutes later he would be knocking on the door and hugging me. I had always done something that deserved his anger, but received his love and comfort…every single time. It even became a problem because when I got married I would get angry at my husband for not coming to me when I was upset. Because my dad had been so good at that. My mom was patient…constantly and consistently there for me. When things went bad she defended me. She talked about the difficult topics and didn’t shy away from them. In short, I don’t remember much about their discipline style. I just remember how my home felt. The joy and sorrow that were openly shared with each other. I just remember feeling safe in a way I’ve only ever experienced with my husband since leaving home.

So I don’t care if you spank or if you don’t. I do care about who you are and what you are to your children. What environment to you create? I’ve read comments about people saying spanking turned their home into a place of fear. I would say that it wasn’t the spankings that did that. I’ve seen similar environments where spanking wasn’t used…but emotional abuse was. Or even emotional distance. I’ve seen parents who have turned spanking into abuse. Who have created a reign of terror in their home. They are abusing their kids. It’s easier to say that you are a good or bad parent based on a certain discipline style. It is so much harder to actually address your heart. Why are you disciplining you child? Why do you react the way you do? To actually pause and think and pray over your decisions.

I will be going back to avoiding Facebook. Because to be honest, when I read other people telling me how to parent, I have discovered a troubling trend. When I react to situations…it is now with the thought of how it would look to other people. No longer do I think of my child and their needs, or God and what he is guiding me to do. My home is much more peaceful and full of joy when I only include two other people in the decisions of my children. God and my husband. I will continue to pray each day that God would shape me and my husband into parents that make our home a haven. A home that gives my children a glimpse of what heaven and the fellowship there will be like.

I respectfully request that you refrain from debate in the comments section about spanking. Whether you are for or against it, those comments will be deleted. I’m not technologically literate enough to figure out how to disable comments at this point (and just a tad bit lazy) so I’ll be doing this the old-fashioned way and trusting you. Thanks.

The Color Crew

Either the writers of today’s kid’s shows are on crack…or they want to drive me to crack instead. We don’t have cable. We use Netflix. The perk being that my kids do not watch commercials. They recently started watching Qubo through our antenna and suddenly I’m getting requests that they absolutely must have a goldfish…in a bowl…that is stuffed in the stomach of a bear. No joke. You feed the fish by feeding the bear and it goes in its stomach. Yeah, I refuse to get that. I digress.

But first up on my list of crack inducing shows is the “Color Crew”. This show has no dialogue. Yeah, no dialogue at all. There is an applause soundtrack and the characters make a lot of freaky giggling and cooing. Wait. They do say words. Colors. That’s it. Did I mention the characters are all crayons. All but one character…which is an eraser. The crayons all get together and a magic hat floats around until it chooses a color that gets to be it. The chosen one coos and makes happy giggling noises that could also be used on some creepy thriller movie just as effectively. Then they pick a partner and they head off to a blank coloring book page. They then proceed to color objects, occasionally giggling and cooing, and yelling out their color on occasion. Then one of them will make a mistake…cue frowny faces…and they have to call in Mr. Eraser. He’s accompanied by much deeper music as he thumps dramatically on the scene. He is also sporting a mustache reminiscent of the Parker brothers mascot. He erases the mistake (setting my children up for unrealistic expectations that crayon can ever be erased in any reality), wiggles his eyebrows in a slightly disturbing way, and then dramatically bounces off scene. At the end all the crayons dance together in a happy jubilee. And that is every single episode. My kids will watch this for HOURS.
Seriously. I. may. lose. my. mind. But hey, there’s always Barbie’s Dreamhouse…

When Murphy met Lusi Part 6: An Epic Adventure

I am finally finishing my chronicle of my adventures in New Zealand. Some of them horrifying (like here and here) and some of them amazing and wonderful (like here and here)

Note: the second link of horrifying adventures is probably the piece of writing I am most proud of. If you haven’t read it and need a laugh…read it!

Our final adventure on our last full day was cave diving. Like, extreme caving. EXTREME!!! Now keep in mind that I was still bleeding a lot, and suffering from some pretty heavy blood loss the day before (again…need to read that link I already mentioned) so I was a little nervous about this. Why? Well, I was going to spend six hours in a wetsuit and rubber boots and a helmet, and then proceed to us a harness and some rope to lower myself down 100 meters into a cave, and then hike, crawl, climb, slither, and swim my way out. But I decided to go for it, because I would never have this opportunity again! First they had us practice and train with our equipment, and then they prepared to lower us down!

Our equipment we used

The view down into the cave from the top of where we were lowered.

When we got to the bottom, they had a picnic lunch we ate on the floor of the cave, and then we started hiking along. We ended up crawling through a sinkhole made by the river, scaled a 20 foot waterfall, swam through a small crack in the cave, shimmied through another crack, swam through a deep river, and all kinds of adventures. All the things you want to do in a cave but never get to (at least here in the US). All the while we were surrounded by beautiful glow worms (which we learned were actually pretty disgusting creatures with major cannibalistic tendencies…but I guess you can’t have everything).

I made it down the “chimney”

Crawling through the crack…in the river.

At least this crack didn’t have a river…thus in my mind. I call it dry crack.

Group photo under some of those beautiful (yet disgusting) glow worms.

When we made it out the cave entrance, we hiked back to the main building where they were grilling food for us. Steak, potatoes and all sorts of yumminess was waiting for us.

I would go back. Seriously, I would do that again if given the chance because it was amazing! It was the perfect way to end our vacation.

Another note: on the flight home we actually left the airport and hung out by the pool of a hotel across the street. The views were amazing, the drinks were amazing, and the food was amazing. A much better way to pass the time. So if you ever have a flight in Fiji, leave the airport. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY LEAVE THAT HORRIFYING SINKHOLE OF DEATH!!